Sexy is summer sweat and realizing how the musk of wet earth first pierced reminds me of the first time I explored you from behind.
I love the smell.
I always want to be deliberate with you.
I coaxed and nudged, raining down kisses as I dug deeper still.
Wet earth, I only dig in wet earth.
Let me drown if I must, breathing only enough to continue.
Your mouth a prayer, i can never forget the first time i watched desire play over your face.
I want to tear into you still.
I watched the sky turn pink as I stretched to the east
Further and further I released towards a brick wall.
The humidity drew us all close.
Snuck under our shirts,
Soaked our chests and ran down the length of our spine
Drops of sweat like fingers making you gasp upon contact.
Eyes wide. Undeniable to even the most unobservant.
Something. is. happening.
Someone is responding.
Me.
The wood, fuck, the smell of the wood floor made everything hotter.
The smell of cedar driving the unending heat.
I parted my mouth to pant just for a moment and suck the heat in as I lay back.
Awash in my heat.
Slick.
I licked the salt on my upper lip, immediately prompting me to reach out for an equally sweaty jar of water.
Moisture met moisture as I drank down deeply
I prayed to my tiny secret gods that I always remember the spaces and moments where I can make time stop and my hands can remember further than the places they are able to touch.
Pleasure in minutes, moments, even morsels.
Pleasantries in teas.
Traveling to get the tea.
The halo of a street light on the way there.
The scent of the tea brewing.
That first sacred sip.
They push me through, past a deep nothing into wonderment.
I don’t wake when I should, so I stare and glory at a lamp.
My prayers are written in careful neat writing to all that is ordinary.
My shelves are tidy.
My hats are where they “should” be.
Tiny victories.
Invisible battles won.
Seeing the good.
I seek out possibility.
I hold on to her fast.
I raise her from the dead when no light exists.
Every night requires incantation.
When my heart beats and I sweat, praying for sleep.
Sick with anxiety. Riddled with failure.
Dying for a rhythm that allows me to speak a language with those that walk illuminated by her light.
Me a mere shadow looming large
May I always find sanctuary in the simple
What did today affirm?
To love myself. Deeply.
With abundance.
Love myself, love myself, love myself. So I can just be so full of love and like honey overflowing I run over onto your fingers
Into your mouth,
Sweet and soft.
Feeding my community, my babies, my sisters, my family, my siblings, with all my abundance.
Brown and black. Red, dark gold and pink.
The colours of my skin, hair, blood, eyes, and womb.
So much, I am so much.
Intensity.
Laughter.
So much pleasure.
So much deeply felt emotion.
So much intelligence, ferocity, so much so much.
So much LOVE.
I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. I am loveable. I loveable. I love me. I am love.
I was once a baby seal
My mother was the ocean
her heartbeat was the sun
I was always with her
I want to swim again in her love
I have a talented mouth
A tongue as nimble as it can be clumsy
inarticulate
Uniformity is lost on the first reading
Listen, gather
Sift through my words
all of them
I have a rhythm that belies the needs of the rational
the reasonable
No easy sway follows
Instead
A slide across the floor on your belly dragged by despair
Frenetic, fearful, arms
Hips that circle only to gyrate with so much desperation
Grind grind grind
down to what your pelvis really contains
exposed as my eyes red and deprived with sleep
No looking away.
theperfecttension 